That thing again… Looking down the barrel at guaranteed heartbreak, I see some options. One, be a sobbing mess. Two, grow cold to avoid it.
For months now, I have been saying “goodbye.” Breaking my own heart and seeing the heartbreak of those I love. I am confident in this journey, but my heart is splitting.
I’ve written before, “a heart that loves is a heart that breaks.” And that’s some garbage. How can something so beautiful be so painful?
Like there has to be a better option. This pain must be avoided.
Maybe if I draw back. If I care less then it’s less of an investment that matters to me, so it can’t hurt me.
Perfect. I’ll hurt myself to avoid getting hurt. Cause that makes sense.
Then I hear my obnoxious self in the gym urging my teammates to push weight and go harder. It always makes me roll my eyes and laugh when Jesus reminds me of words He’s given me for other people that I now have to take ownership for.
As an athlete, if you aren’t failing, you are not pushing yourself enough. My dad always says, “If you want to win a race, I can find you slow enough people to compete against. But, if you truly want to pursue excellence, I’ll get you the best I can find to compete against.”
My whole life, I’ve practiced this grit in athletics. I have chased all the challenges. Went straight to failure to work through it.
Take athletics out of it, and I can get pretty soft and whiny.
But that’s the thing about sports, they so beautifully parallel with life. Sometimes connections take a little longer to draw, but it’s undeniable.
Jesus has been working on this heart of grit in a completely different arena in preparation for this new one. Before, it was my love of volleyball that compelled me to see the urgent value to address pain head on in order to achieve my goals of winning. Now, my love of Jesus gets to be the sole compelling factor.
It is for Love, so the pain is worth it. Not the other way around. Pain isn’t my end. It is simply a helpful indicator of what needs attention, and propels me to being better on the other side.
Goodbyes still wreck me and will probably continue to. But that’s okay. I have been gifted this Love, and this same Love is leading me to the World Race.
So here I go, pushing heartbreak.
This email address is new. However, I still check the other one.
We wish you well on your journey. We trust your adventure will be exciting and successful. Our prayers are with you.
Love,
Amen sister! It’s a painful but beautiful journey that ends up growing our heart more! Love you lots!
Hey there Stephanie, I HATE goodbyes as well. I remember one time I had a three day training. There were about fifteen of us. It was a great training and we became very close in that three days. They had us do an exercise at the end where we turned our back, we were in a circle, to represent taking what we learned out into the community. I remember tearing up and wanting to cry. After three days I was so invested with the group and ready to conquer the world. So, take your strength and the love of the people/family/friends with you every step of the way and spread it throughout the world. Love you with the Love of the Lord, stay safe, and BE BLESSED!